PULL...

This is much awaited notes on 'PULL', I will make full efforts to do the justice on curiosity generated about this post. Will cover: What is PULL, How it can work with examples that you can apply;

PULL means attracting other person towards what they are supposed to do, as opposed to 'directing' them.
Pull can be created by generating curiosity and creating challenge. This is what exactly the computer games do with us, so we/ kids gets hooked to them. The trick is make things interesting and easy in beginning and then keep on increasing the activity level at appropriate times.
 
Another aspect of PULL is ownership and control. When you kid does not listen to you, does not mean the child is disrespecting you! it means he/she does not own the task you are asking him to do! it is your task or your work or as decided by you, and you are directing them. This creates boredom, monotony and lack of interest in those activity.

To work with PULL and not PUSH, you need to adopt participative style - 

 a) Ask open ended, guided questions to your child to trigger the positive thoughts i.e. the child should be able to paint the positive outcome and thus he/she will readily agree and do that activity.

Instead of directly telling -
              Rohan stop TV now! go and do your homework.
Try this  - 
              Rohan do you want to show the completed homework tomorrow in class to Kriti M'am?
                                              or
Instead of yelling - Come on do fast very morning you get up late! and then rush for school..
Try this-
                I don't think you want to be the last one reaching the class..How about being the first one to reach in class and getting enough time to settle in class and even interacting with friends before the teacher comes!

b) Create ownership - Let the child own the task/ activity.
       Example; To bring in regularity in daily chores, studies etc, Ask your child to prepare a day wise schedule, you be with him/her as a mentor, not as an instructor i.e. only guide him/her by asking open ended and guided question as stated above. Show respect to child's thinking, refrain from criticism. For some things which you may not completely agree, ask them the reason and rationally discuss and guide them. Take an agreement that child will follow the schedule he/she is making.
          Pin the schedule to a visible place and tell your child when he/she is happy on adhering to the schedule, he/she can express it on the calendar by putting smiley or cross when not followed. This activity again must owned by child and not by you. child has to use his judgement and deciding whether he/she will put a smiley or cross (remember your role as mentor and facilitator not instructor). This goes long way in generating positive self image, responsibility and commitment.

Another condition and the most basic one is that the 'objective' for which PULL is being created is to be worked out from the child's perspective. Is he/she able to do that job? without facilitating the ability to do the job, you will not be able to sustain curiosity. This is another wide topic of ability, responsibility and control; those are other important aspects of motivation, shall cover them separately in subsequent series....

In principal, these techniques or behavioural modifications (needed for parents first then can be applied to kids), can be extended to anyone. Your other family members, work associates...participation makes every-one take the ownership...