Many a times I have seen mothers fretting over the issue of their child not listening to them, not paying attention to what they are saying...most commonly heard for boys around 8 to 9 years - "He does not respond when I call him, until I scream at him, or end up spanking him...".
WHY THIS HAPPENS?...
In most of the cases, I have seen this behaviour is the outcome of rigidity that child develops by resisting the force applied on him/ her.
Now, we need to understand this for little more deeper meaning, what 'resistance' and what 'force'?
In simple terms can you think of a situation when some-one like your boss or any one who is superior in power or hierarchy to you (as he/she may be of such self-opinion) is in the habit of asking you to do something which you do not enjoy or like to do. What will be your reaction? At once you may perform that task to oblige, but for repeated request you would make excuses and if it comes in the form of an order, you would certainly retaliate! But if the situation is such that you cannot retaliate either due to respect or position/ power of the other person you will find ways and means of avoiding that person...And it is the very intrinsic human behaviour. Brain gets trained to act in this desired fashion, you may not even plan or work very consciously on this. You may start ignoring whatever that person is telling without applying your judgement.
(a very natural human behavioural outcome of a situation!).
In simple terms can you think of a situation when some-one like your boss or any one who is superior in power or hierarchy to you (as he/she may be of such self-opinion) is in the habit of asking you to do something which you do not enjoy or like to do. What will be your reaction? At once you may perform that task to oblige, but for repeated request you would make excuses and if it comes in the form of an order, you would certainly retaliate! But if the situation is such that you cannot retaliate either due to respect or position/ power of the other person you will find ways and means of avoiding that person...And it is the very intrinsic human behaviour. Brain gets trained to act in this desired fashion, you may not even plan or work very consciously on this. You may start ignoring whatever that person is telling without applying your judgement.
(a very natural human behavioural outcome of a situation!).
I am sure by now you have guessed what does this mean.
- 'Force' is the pressure applied by the said authoritative figure.
- 'Resistance' is this learned behaviour guided by the tactic to avoid the unwanted pressure and unpleasant experience.
Instead, you as a parent need to apply 'Pull'; pull can never be resisted and The art lies in creating this 'PULL'.
In my next series, will write about creating the PULL and magic of PULL.
In my next series, will write about creating the PULL and magic of PULL.
Smrati Mehta
The Gifteds-Learning Enablers
Learning through Mastery; Mastery through Creativity
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Smrati Mehta